How many times a week should we have sex?
Dr. Gatter hears this one a lot. 'Usually one partner wants to know this in order to prove to their spouse that they don't have enough sex; meanwhile the other partner is waiting for my answer, convinced it will prove they are normal,' she says. But the real issue is never just about sex, she says. 'If we take the time to peel back the many layers of what this is really about, interestingly enough it usually comes down to the same need for both partners: the need to feel loved, seen and validated.
Men need to have sex in order to feel loved, seen, and validated. Women need to feel loved, seen, and validated in order to have sex. Quite the conundrum. It is an age-old issue that presents itself to this day in pretty much all of my couples sessions.'